Normality is just around the corner

In the film version of A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent find themselves transformed into highly improbable versions of themselves (as yarn dolls and sofas, among other things) while experiencing the Infinite Improbability Drive in the purloined spaceship called Heart of Gold. Finally, a digital voice heralds the return to the ordinary with the words, "We have achieved normality."

This is what I wanted to hear today at the cancer center, and the lab report came pretty close: just about every item measured came out well within the normal range, with a few small exceptions. My immune system is still a total wimp, but I'm no longer anemic (hurrah!) and most of the other numbers looked good. Okay, I need to boost my protein intake and cut down on salt, but it's hard to do that when (1) my tastebuds are still not functioning properly so I tend to over-season everything; and (2) I'm surrounded by wonderful holiday goodies not known for packing in the protein.

Over the past few months I've often felt as limp as a yarn doll and as intelligent as a lumpy sofa, but today's test results suggest that normality is just around the corner. It will take many tests over the course of the next five years to determine whether I'm cancer-free, but for now I feel as if I'm ensconced within the Heart of Gold and emerging from highly improbable conditions to find myself in plain old ordinary normality.

And I've got my towel ready in case the Vogons show up.