In praise of the apostrophe

I sing the humble apostrophe, tiny but neglected, essential for indicating possession but absent from many students' papers--or present when unnecessary. Students write about "the stories end," "the characters actions," "nobodys business," while others refer to "many story's," "two character's," or that popular board game, "Apple's to Apple's."

They tell me apostrophes are superfluous in text-messaging so why use them anywhere else? "This is just a draft," they say; "I'll add the apostrophes later," as if the apostrophe, like a cummerbund, should be stored in a dark closet and donned only for the most formal occasions.

Apostrophes ought to be common as socks but worn, like socks, where they'll do the most good. Using an apostrophe to form the plural of a noun is as silly as wearing socks on your ears, and leaving the apostrophe out of a possessive noun is like going out to play in the snow in bare feet. You buy one apple but two apples, perform one experiment but many experiments. What about forming possessives of plural nouns? Easy: write the plural noun; if it ends in s, add an apostrophe, and if it doesn't, add an apostrophe and an s: one child's apple is green while many children's apples are red; one scientist's experiment failed while many scientists' experiments did not (and many scientists' experiments' conclusions conflicted).

Some of my students are writing about characters with names that end in s, so I'm seeing poor singular Mr. Haskins referred to as Mr. Haskin's and Mr. Haskins' while the entire Haskins family is referred to as the Haskins, which would be fine if there were such a thing as a singular Haskin. In MLA style, names work just like other nouns: if Mr. Haskins has a hat, it is Mr. Haskins's hat, and if a whole mess of Haskinses have hats, they are the Haskinses' hats.

I explain these principles patiently, repeatedly, unendingly, but I fear that the apostrophe, common as socks, is going the way of the cummerbund. Such an elegant and useful little mark! Neglect it too long and someday we'll find ourselves standing barefoot in a blizzard and wondering whether to look for socks, sock's, socks', sockses, or s'ock. Hug an apostrophe today! The life you save may be your own. (But not your's or you'res or yours').