I love a parade

There are advantages to living in a town small enough to have a Labor Day parade. For one thing, every labor union in the county sends its members marching through town in matching T-shirts, so on that one day of the year it's possible to know exactly where to find a plumber.

The parade also keeps the local politicians out of trouble for an hour or so as they walk the parade route with their supporters distributing campaign leaflets and armloads of candy. I'm a little confused about the message some of these politicians choose to send, though. For instance, one float was crawling with very small children wearing matching T-shirts urging me to vote for a particular candidate. They were awfully cute, but what rational person seeks political insight from a trailer full of three-year-olds?

I'm always tempted to select candidates based on the cars they send through the parade. Big blue Caddies don't inspire my trust and bunting-motivated SUV's are just so last Wednesday, but I was impressed by an adorable Model T stumping for a candidate. Today's parade featured four Mustangs touting various candidates, and while I found the two late-model red convertibles a bit flashy, I wouldn't mind voting for the candidate whose posters festooned the 1966 model.

There's plenty of royalty in the parade--pork princesses and rabbit queens and a Little Prince candidate who couldn't stop chomping on an immense wad of pink gum--and plenty of opportunities for people to wear funny hats, from rhinestone tiaras to red Shriner fezes to marching band hats with quivering plumes.

And then there's all that candy. Marching bands and floats and Shriners in funny hats aren't enough; today's parade-viewing public really wants to take home an Wal-Mart bag full of Tootsie Rolls, Smarties, and Jolly Ranchers. Who cares about 76 trombones when you've got people throwing candy to the masses? And if some of that candy is being tossed from a big tank truck advertising a septic tank cleaning service, nobody minds. One day out of the year, even the septic tank truck can be the center of attention.