Food first. Gotta get some food. Lunch, yes, but if the rest of my syllabi are going to take as long as the first, I won't be leaving the office all week. I need some serious hunkering-down food: apples and granola bars, hummus and pita chips, gallons and gallons of whatever will keep me alert and hydrated. Or better yet, how about an intravenous drip? That way I won't have to worry about getting crumbs on my keyboard.
And let's arrange things more suitably for a syllabus-writing marathon: the Powers That Be never installed the sleeping loft I requested, so what I need to get through the week is a great big recliner comfy enough for sleeping, with a fold-down tray just right for my laptop. A first-class airline seat, in other words, and if it has a built-in sound system with speakers, so much the better.
Visitors--but not too many. A few colleagues are similarly hunkered over their keyboards frantically assembling syllabi, and the occasional chat helps break up the tedium but I don't want to get entangled with too many lengthy conversation or I'll never get done. How to control the volume of visitors? I need a handy little sign to hang on the doorknob, with "Do Not Disturb" on one side and "Please Interrupt!" on the other.
Wait, I know where I can get all these things! What I need right now is not an office but a luxury hotel suite! In fact, I'm sure all of my colleagues would be more productive this week if the college were to whisk us all away to a resort where we can enjoy private rooms, comfy work spaces, and minibars providing all our needs.
Only one problem: who would want to come back?
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