Saturday, February 23, 2008

Walk away from the baloney

"The viewer already has a sense of grandeur from the silhouette on the baloney."

This wonderful line from a student paper inspires me to imagine what a wonderful world this would be if every balcony were replaced by baloney. Many ordinary experiences would be altered, from photographing the Pope to buying cheap theater seats to selecting hotel rooms. Would the Marriott charge extra for baloney suites? Think of the lives that would be saved if hordes of students on spring break decided to climb drunkenly from baloney to baloney!

Picture the baloney scene in Romeo and Juliet, in which Juliet pines for a lover who has a first name spelled O-S-C-A-R. And Henry James's The Ambassadors would be an entirely different kind of novel if Lambert Strether took to observing the enigmatic Chad from a perch high atop a baloney!

It could happen. Likewise, an English professor exhausted from reading too many student papers might fall into a fit of despair and develop a sudden urge to fling herself from a great height...but in the absence of baloney, the danger would dissipate.

Just for the sake of safety, someone ought to post a sign declaring every English department a No-Baloney Zone. The life you save may be your own.

1 comment:

Bardiac said...

At least our candidates know what they're getting into, cold-wise, when they come for that January visit!