There's a reason they're called "honorifics"

"So I hear you're not a real doctor," said my old friend (in jest!), and I wanted to say, "No, but I play one on TV." 

So many clever people have already said so many clever things in response to the ridiculous column in the Wall Street Journal claiming that Dr. Jill Biden ("kiddo!") has no right to use her academic title, so I'll just add that the editor who thought it was appropriate to devote so many column inches to such a poorly reasoned argument ought to be sent back to Journalism 101. Can all those clicks possibly offset the amount of derision the article earned?

This kerfuffle reminds me of a former high-level administrator who consistently referred to male Ph.D.s as "Doctor" and female Ph.D.s as "Professor," a distinction that apparently meant something in his warped mind but struck his listeners as bizarre. And way back when I was the a brand-new junior member of my department, a senior colleague (now long retired) used to treat female faculty members as if our gender had tainted our credentials, and I remember what a tremendous rush of joy I felt when I learned that this patronizing old fart had never finished his Ph.D. Of course I continued to show him the respect appropriate to his position, but never again would I allow him to intimidate me because I knew I'd achieved something worthy of respect.

For twenty years I've been fortunate to teach at a college where this kind of invidious distinction is rare, a place where respect is the rule. My colleagues who graduated from Ivy League schools don't look down their noses at my degree from Bowling Green State, and our students may come straight from high school accustomed to calling all their female teachers "Miss" but they soon adjust to the titles their faculty members prefer, whether Dr. or Prof. or whatever. The title is not a weapon, but it does serve to remind students that they're being taught by experts who have earned a level of respect.

And respect is exactly what's missing from Joseph Epstein's notorious Wall Street Journal article. What do you do with a person who demands a level of respect for himself that he is unwilling to extend to others? Ignore him and walk away would be my plan. But what do I know? I'm not a "real" doctor.