Yesterday a faithful reader sent me some shocking news from our old stomping ground: an elementary school in Orange County, Florida, "was placed on lockdown Tuesday morning for more than an hour while authorities investigated a suspicious device." What manner of strange device sent Waterbridge Elementary School into a "modified code yellow lockdown"?
A stuffed pony.
Or, to be more precise, "a pony-shaped stuffed animal" that was "determined to be non-threatening after the Sheriff's Office conducted a thorough investigation." Wouldn't you like to see the notes from that investigation?
The photo accompanying the article (read it here) suggests that the threatening device was retrieved by a robot made of tinker toys, but what happened next? Did the bomb squad X-ray the device to determine whether that suspicious pony shape might be hiding something insidious within? Did Deputy Fife shine bright lights into the pony's beady little eyes and demand information about other fugitives from the law? "I've got a bullet and I know to use it," says Deputy Fife. "So cough it up, My Pretty Pony: bring me Mr. Potato Head's head on a platter."
And what of the child responsible for introducing this dangerous device to Waterbridge Elementary School? I hope they didn't send her to Guantanamo!
It's encouraging to know that the Powers That Be are equipped to handle such a threat. After the pony-shaped device was fully investigated and neutralized, the children at Waterbridge Elementary School went back to their classrooms secure in the knowledge that their little lives had escaped the depredations of My Pretty Pony.
No word on whether that tinker-toy robot is still on the loose.
1 comment:
This is hilarious! I can see something similar happening, um, here.
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