This morning I accomplished something I haven't even attempted since July: I submitted an essay to a publication. It wasn't a long researched essay and it wasn't a peer-reviewed academic journal, but still: I sent some writing out there into the real world and now all I have to do is wait.
One of my great frustrations this semester has been my inability to make progress on some major writing and research projects. I've gathered all kinds of great material and I've put together extensive notes, some drafts of essays that just need to be revised and sent out, and even some finished conference papers that need to be expanded before they can be submitted to journals, but until this week, I haven't made one iota of progress on any of it since I sent a revised article to an academic journal in July. Information and ideas have continued to flow in, but with no output, the pipes get clogged.
I've got to get my writing and research back on track, but cancer treatment slows me down so much that I quail before the bigger projects. So this week I've tackled some small ones. The short essay I sent out today has been lingering in my "in progress" file for months awaiting just a final tweaking. If it gets accepted it won't count for much on my vita, but sending it out made me feel as if I'm still part of the publishing world.
And also this week I've been doing some research toward the paper I'll present at MLA in December, and I've been mulling over ideas even when I don't have the energy to write them down. I could easily back out of my panel if I wanted to, but giving a paper at MLA is a goal beckoning me forward to the time when I can go back to being just an academic instead of an academic battling cancer.
I have two more small projects in my "in progress" file and I hope to tackle them next week, provided I don't get steamrollered by side effects of tomorrow's chemotherapy. My oncologist says that chemotherapy causes my body to try to flush all those chemicals out of my system, so now I'm doing some intensive writing therapy to flush some essays out of my files. Both treatments make immense demands on my body and mind, but both also lead to progress toward important goals. The progress may be small and slow and difficult, but it's important to feel as if I'm finally getting somewhere.
And when I get there, you'd better believe I'll put it in writing.
4 comments:
I swear you can draw effective parallels between anything!
Once upon a time I found myself in a junior high classroom with a very likeable, highly entertaining, extremely talented, fellow seventh grader, and soon to be, good friend. I had always enjoyed reading and I considered myself to be an “above average” writer. This perception came to a screeching halt the minute I had the opportunity to read some of the stories that had been written by the aforementioned classmate and friend, one Bev Zelesky (now Hogue). I had never read anything of that caliber written by someone my own age before! I was both inspired and intimidated. I reasoned that if someone sitting one seat away from me was that gifted, I had greatly underestimated “average”. I’m not proud to admit this, but I let the fact that I knew I’d never be in Bev’s league shut me down.
In the years since, I’ve come to realize that almost no one is in Bev’s league and that if I have something to say, I should say it. I’ve come to realize that while I may not be able to compete at “that level”, my writing is, at least, as good as that of some of the individuals whose books sit on the shelves of my local bookstore. More importantly, what I have to say might actually mean something to someone else. Even if it doesn’t, getting it on paper means something to me.
I’ve now come full circle. I’m now watching Bev write smart, funny, powerful things in the midst of a firestorm and it makes me realize that if she is able to do that with so many forces working against her, I have no excuse for not attempting to do the same.
Congrats for soldiering on, Bev! Congrats on your submission! I guess I’ll save us both the trauma of publically stating the number of years that that have passed since we first met. As you know, it’s been more than a few. I’m still impressed, though, after all these years. Keep up the amazing work! B
Okay, now you're making me blush.
Hey, I remember that highly creative girl in seventh grade, too. However, by seventh grade I was already intimidated by her because I met her in SIXTH grade. Even the entries into my various yearbooks made by this talented person stand out above the rest. Keep up the good work and good luck on your future publications. Can't wait to see what you tackle next. Mary
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