A literary boxing match

Take the characters from readings and films assigned in my classes today and tomorrow and put them in the ring together. Who wins?

Round One
In this corner, Mary Tyrone, the morphine addict from Long Day's Journey Into Night; in the other corner, the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Hold on, folks--that rabbit may have sharp pointy teeth, but Mary's constant whining makes the rabbit's head explode! 

Round Two
The Misfit (from "A Good Man is Hard to Find") meets Sonny Steele (a good man who is hard to find in The Electric Horseman):  The Misfit wields a gun, but Sonny's sparkling electric-blue cowboy get-up blinds him so he can't aim straight. Sonny wins by a lumen!  


Round Three

Eugene O'Neill meets Eudora Welty in the battle of the euphonious names. Welty wins it by a syllable!

Round Four
Rising Star, the aging racehorse in The Electric Horseman, meets the coconut-shell horsey sounds from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but Rising Star is so doped up that all he can do is settle down for a nice nap. The coconut shells gallop off with the win!

Round Five 
James Tyrone, armed with a hedge-trimmer, meets the Knights who say Ni--and Tyrone trims their shrubbery!

Round Six
The sad-sack traveling salesman from Eudora Welty's "Death of a Traveling Salesman" meets Hallie Martin, the sassy journalist played by Jane Fonda in The Electric Horseman: it's a draw. The salesman disables Hallie by opening his sample cases full of ladies' shoes, but then he keels over from a heart attack and nobody even notices. 


Round Seven 
The backseat-driving talkative grandmother in "A Good Man is Hard to Find" meets the French Taunter from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Which one will shut up first? It's impossible to say--once they get started, they never stop. This match may go on forever!