A year ago I complained about how my cancer diagnosis made it difficult to respond to simply questions like "What's new?" and "How are you?" (Read it here.) This year I'm enjoying the luxury of mindlessly responding, "I'm fine. And you?"
Except occasionally that's not enough. Today I went through the usual fine-and-you script with a colleague, who then stopped me and said, "No, I mean how are you really?" That one little word makes a big difference, transforming the conventional scripted exchange into a moment of compassion and connection.
"I'm fine," I said, and I really am, as far as I know. I feel great. My hair is back and bushy and about ready for a cut. I don't mind the gray. I earned that gray! My next round of testing is scheduled for October but so far every test has come back normal. So really, I'm fine, as far as I know.
But thanks for asking!
3 comments:
And we're glad to hear it!
Ha! I had the same exchange yesterday. She was standing by the photocopier and added the second part, "really?" Since she clearly meant it, I said something like, "No, actually: my wife broke her ankle, I was involved in an accident, my daughter's best friend committed suicide and someone else close died yesterday. Also, I'm walking with a limp. Tomorrow will be better." There's a reason people often avoid, "really," but for all of us, "fine as far as I know," can also be expressed, "so far, so good."
D.
My mother-in-law always begins a phone call with, "How are you?" and we always respond with the, "Fine. And you?" we don't need the "really" part - she just tucks in on a tour of her ailments.
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