Shocking developments in the Anna Nicole Smith story: A local professor today issued a statement denying that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.
"Rumors of our relationship are greatly exaggerated," he said, adding that he has "no comment" on allegations that he cavorted with Ms. Smith while his wife was on sabbatical. "I have no recollection of that," he insisted.
In an informal poll, 87 percent of faculty members questioned stated that it is "not impossible" that their colleague might be the father of Smith's baby. "He certainly speaks like a man with something to hide," said a Communications professor, while a prominent ethicist added, "Whatever he might or might not have done, I'm sure he had the best intentions."
The professor in question declined to confirm that he is willing to submit to a paternity test, saying, "You'll have to talk to my attorney about that." He did, however, pledge his undying support for the college. "I will not allow the media spotlight to distract me from my work here," he said, "and if, by some strange combination of events, I should suddenly come into a large sum of money, I promise to donate half of it toward the new library."
That's the news, fair and balanced as always.
4 comments:
There you have it. If he weren't the father, he'd have nothing to hide, and he'd pay THEM to be able to take the paternity test to be able to clear his good name.
he does have a good name, doesn't he?
I'm going to deny paternity, too! I wish I'd thought of it earlier! (I wonder if they'd be willing to pay me off, just because?)
We all know he's well-versed on the economics of fathering Anna Nicole's baby!
I am disinclined to speculate on the relative goodness of the professor's name, but it is verifiably true that his name, good or not, is unusally long.
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