Random thoughts of a fevered mind

1. Do doctors believe that the smarmy sitcom Full House has some therapeutic value? Every time I go to the doctor's office, Full House reruns are showing on the television in the waiting room. Today I was privileged to watch the show for an hour and a half while suffering from a high fever. The show did not make the fever any better but, on the other hand, neither did the fever make the show any better.

2. Fever dreams are intense and vivid but they're never about things I want to dream about. Last night, for instance, I dreamed that warm oatmeal was flowing like lava across the bed, threatening to engulf me, and then I dreamed that my husband was selling tickets for tourist excursions into my fever-induced hallucinations. It's unlikely that he would do this in real life.

3. An incapacitating fever bestows on the sufferer a limited measure of power. For instance, at certain times of day I can say the word "Popsicle" and within minutes a popsicle will materialize in front of me. This also works with words like "oatmeal" or "yogurt" but, sadly, not with "diamond earrings," "Toyota RAV-4," or "new garage."

4. When you're so hot you feel like your eyeballs are going to boil over, I recommend a leather sofa. The cool leather dissipates the heat in a wonderful way. That only becomes uncomfortable when you start to sweat. At that point, you're on your own.

5. My family doctor was out of the office today so I had to go to the Doctor-In-A-Box out at the edge of town. When I got there they asked for the name of my family doctor and I told them his name as I always do, this despite the fact that I have never actually laid eyes on my family doctor. On the few occasions when I've been able to get past the thick protective clot of secretarial staff in his front office, I've always seen the nurse practitioner. How much sense does it make to call a man "my" doctor if I have never actually seen him?

6. The Doctor-In-A-Box doctor was quite wonderful: he spoke gently, he did not treat me like an annoying interruption in his busy schedule, and he listened. Hats off to you, Dr. P! Will you adopt me?

7. Ideas that seem brilliant to the fever-addled brain often fail to stand up to scrutiny in the light of common day. This post, for instance, seemed pretty scintillating when I was composing it in my head last night, but now I don't know. Maybe I'd better just skip it.