My life as a geisha

Here I am at about age 6 getting ready to perform at a dance recital. Picture a high school auditorium crowded with proud dads in dark suits and skinny ties and proud moms wearing dress suits and Jackie O hairstyles as their adorable graceless roly-poly daughters fumbled about onstage to a tinny recording featuring a vaguely Asian-sounding breathy female voice singing, "Me little geisha girl, all dressed up in silk and pearl, me little geisha girl, they call me Lotus Flower."

That's my life as a geisha. Hey, that would make a great title for a book!