Is that a light at the end of the tunnel or a train coming through?

In just twelve short months I've moved from assuming that I'll never retire to wishing I could retire right now--today if possible. Tomorrow at the latest. 

How did this happen?

For years I used to tell people, "I can't retire until I pay off my awful horrible oppressive very bad debts and I'll never pay off my awful horrible oppressive very bad debts, so I guess I'll never retire." Then I received an unexpected windfall--and then another--and now it looks like I may actually pay off my awful horrible oppressive very bad debts well before reaching retirement age.

Then my oncologist handed me a bunch of scary numbers and I thought, "That's it, then. I'll be dead long before I'm old enough to retire." But then I recovered and the numbers went into hiding, and now it's entirely possible that I'll still be alive and kicking when it's time to retire.
 
Of course I'm such a workaholic that I've always feared idleness, assuming that the absence of regular teaching in my life would drive me quickly crazy. But then last spring my sabbatical convinced me that I can enjoy a meaningful, rewarding existence even without standing in the classroom every day. 

So now I'm willing to admit that I will someday retire--but I'm beginning to wonder whether I can keep doing this for another 12 or 15 years.

Yesterday our department worked on scheduling next year's courses, and I took a good hard look down the coming decade: teaching the same handful of courses in a regular rotation, with the occasional special topics course thrown in for the sake of variety, to students who express open contempt for the material, on a campus that rewards hard work with more hard work and places annoying bureaucratic obstacles in the path of interesting ideas. 

I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't know how anyone can keep doing this. 

Is this a mid-life crisis or just the usual fourth-week malaise? Years ago I left a job I loved in journalism because I found myself doing the same things over and over with no new challenges, and now I'm looking at the same prospect. Here I am once again doing a job I love but wondering how long I'll be able to stand it without some new challenges, but this time I can't quit because I've advanced so far I'm unemployable. 

So I guess it's time to find some new challenges. But where do I begin?