Keeping the sarcasm level low

A student wonders why we're not canceling class or offering automatic extensions on papers today to permit students to prepare for an end-of-semester party. Class is at 9 a.m.; the party starts at 5 p.m. and even a very slow walker could get there from my classroom in under five minutes. I gently pointed out that the student's inability to read a syllabus and plan ahead is no excuse for late work, but what I really wanted to ask was: If the party starts at 5, how early do you plan to start drinking? Surely you're not hoping to be too plastered to come to class at 9:00 in the morning?

Yes, we have reached the time of year when lame excuses show their ugly faces, and I have to keep biting my tongue to avoid spitting out sarcastic responses. And it's not just students, either; earlier this week I was sorely tempted to address this question to my insurance agent's secretary: You've told me all the things you can't do for me, but can you tell me whose job it is to care about my problem? Because I'd like to talk to that person.

They finally arranged for me to get a rental car, which is great because while I'm willing to drive a disabled car around town, I'm not terribly thrilled about taking it on a road trip to North Carolina next week. And do you want to know how much my insurance company is planning to pay for my disabled car? Let me know if you find out! Apparently it's a state secret, although the secretary did accidentally let slip that "it looks like they're considering your car totaled," but she's not authorized to talk to me about the final settlement so I'll have to wait until the claims agent calls. (This was yesterday. I'm still waiting.)

Meanwhile, I have one more class to teach and I'm working on arranging proctors for final exams next week since I'll be driving to North Carolina for my nephew's funeral. Kind people are coming out of the woodwork to offer to help, which is one reason I'm trying to keep the sarcasm level set to low. I know I'm not the only one whose best-laid plans have been disrupted by unexpected trauma, so I'm trying to be patient and supportive and kind.

But I draw the line at cancelling a 9:00 class to make way for a 5:00 party. We've still got some learning to do! Parties can wait.