Things I shouldn't have to tell my students

1. "I was distracted" is not an adequate excuse for missing class--unless the distraction is provided by, say, a mile-wide meteor streaking directly toward southern Ohio.


2. "This doesn't reflect my true character" suggests that you've been keeping your true character tied up in the attic while your false character lurches around wreaking havoc in your name. 

3. Of course you missed something. In fact, you missed a lot, as you would realize if you hadn't been so distracted.  

4. No, you can't make up eight weeks' work in two days, but go ahead and try. Maybe that dude you've got tied up in the attic will help. Otherwise, you'd better hope for a meteor strike.