Thursday, August 30, 2012

Solely sartorial solecisms

I'm crawling around the floor of my closet looking under and beside and behind all that dusty detritus and part of me wonders why. Why, if I am devoted to the life of the mind, do I start the day obsessing over the location of the only belt that goes with my new suit?

And while we're at it, why didn't I notice before today that this jacket has attractive buttons down both sides but no buttonholes anywhere? Why would I buy a jacket with nonfunctional buttons? Operating a button is really not all that difficult--slide button through hole, rinse and repeat--but it simply cannot be done without the requisite buttonholes.

I never found the belt and no other belt would do, which left me with a clear choice: change into an entirely different outfit or go beltless. Belts are supposed to hold up your trousers but in this case the trousers are in no danger of falling down, so the belt would be purely ornamental, much like the buttons on the jacket. However, everyone knows that the absence of a belt makes belt loops feel incomplete, unappreciated, and futile, so a belt is necessary even when it isn't, if you know what I mean.

But I didn't want to change so I came to campus wearing purely ornamental buttons and no belt, although you'll never notice the lack of belt unless I take off my jacket, which may be necessary if the temperature goes nuclear again. And on top of all that (or beneath all that, if you want to get technical about it), my feet hurt.  

It is impossible to devote yourself to the life of the mind when your feet hurt. So today I'll bypass the mind entirely. No thinking allowed! Unless you're wearing my belt.

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