Notes to my tardy students

To the student who shows up five minutes late every day: I admire your consistency, but why don't you initiate that consistency five minutes earlier?

To the student who comes thumping into class 45 minutes late mumbling a totally lame excuse: You may be here in body, but you're absent where it counts--in the gradebook.

To the student who keeps sending assignments as imaginary e-mail attachments: I can't grade what I can't see.

To the student who comes to about one-third of the class meetings and shows up 15 to 20 minutes late: I hope you never need any grace from me (deadline extension, grade nudge, or letter of recommendation) because the most memorable thing about you is your willingness to disrupt class.