Thursday, December 02, 2021

Since when do Mario and Luigi work at my bank?

After spending half an hour on hold with my bank's fraud detection division, I had one question: How am I supposed to have confidence in your competence when your hold music sounds like the Super Mario Brothers theme?

But I didn't ask that because I had more pressing issues: How did some moron get access to my debit-card number, and how many lottery tickets did he buy with my money? If he wins the jackpot, do I get a cut? How long will my account be frozen? When will my new debit card arrive? And how am I supposed to get access to my funds in the meantime?

Two days, four phone calls, and one lengthy visit to the bank later, I still don't have all the answers, and a bank clerk informed me that my situation is not at all unusual. Apparently this kind of thing happens every day, but this is the first time it's happened to me so I think I'm allowed to be a bit befuddled. 

I mean, how do people get access to funds when an account is frozen? "They have multiple accounts," said the helpful bank clerk, which sounds like a grand idea that I'll be certain to pursue as soon as I get access to my funds. Meanwhile, I guess I can just stop spending money.

But will the hundreds of dollars that moron spent on lottery tickets ever get refunded? I have to make one more visit to the bank to sign some papers so they can pursue the fraud further, and then it's a waiting game, accompanied by the kind of hold music that makes me wonder whether Mario and Luigi can be trusted to rescue my treasure.

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