A sabbatical to die for

Ever since Stephen Kinzey's name entered the news last week, academics everywhere have been wondering how he managed to maintain a double life: associate professor of kinesiology at Cal State and leader of an outlaw biker gang/drug ring. I mean, just the photocopying alone would be outrageous. However, an article in Inside Higher Ed (read it here) offers some insight for academics interested in moonlighting:

1. Forsake spelling. His biker gang was called the Devil's Diciples, which makes me cringe and reach for the white-out every time I see it. But just think of all the time Kinzey saved by leaving the s out of disciples! Just select a common letter to systematically omit from your writing and you, too, can earn millions of dollars a year on top of your professorial salary!

2. Focus on the money. Kinzey earned $70,000 a year teaching kinesiology, but experts estimate that leading an outlaw biker gang might have boosted his income into the low seven figures. That extra million would provide ample motivation any time he felt like skipping a committee meeting.

3. Delegate. Tom Barker, a criminal justice professor whom Inside Higher Ed describes as a "leading scholar on outlaw biker gangs," points out that the leader of the gang wouldn't do the actual leg-work like delivering drugs and keeping the books and general office tasks (so, no photocopying!). He would have people for that. Diciples, in fact, although it might be more fun to call them henchmen. Think how much time you could open up in your busy teaching schedule if you had a few henchmen to lean on the dean so he'll excuse you from attending faculty meetings!

4. Slack off in the classroom. Who needs to be SuperProf when you can make a million dollars outside the classroom? Inside Higher Ed reports that students gave Kinzey high ratings on RateMyProfessors.com until recently. Students commented that "the professor sucks, he comes in late and doesn't care, if he try's to help you he'll end up rambling about himself" and he "lost his focus & passion for teaching." For ordinary profs this kind of burnout can be treated by a timely sabbatical, but Kinzey chose an alternate route: life on the lam with his names in the headlines.

The rest of us can only dream about that kind of sabbatical.