Out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a sign that said "Reality Specialists," and I thought, Just what I need!
When I'm shopping online and on the verge of clicking on "Add to shopping bag," I need a Reality Specialist to say, "Remember the last time you ordered from that company? That vest may look exquisite in print, but the fabric will be as flimsy as well-worn pajamas."
When I'm grabbing for another handful of free popcorn in the faculty lounge, I need a Reality Specialist to say, "Free food is not the same thing as calorie-free food, and a bag of popcorn does not count as a serving of vegetables."
When I'm planning my syllabus for the coming semester and I schedule all my classes to turn in major papers on the same day, I need a nudge from my Reality Specialist to remind me that even Homer nodded and that English professors likewise need their rest.
When I'm dreaming of all the wonderful ways I can spend my tax refund, I need a Reality Specialist to wave a sheaf of credit-card bills in front of my face.
Someone to stop me from stepping off the cliff into fantasyland: that's the sort of Reality Specialist I need. Where can I find one?
Not here, apparently, because when I looked a the sign more closely, I discovered that it actually advertised "Realty Specialists." Nuts: now how am I supposed to add a Reality Specialist to my imaginary entourage?
Time to advertise: "Reality Specialist needed. Join a team of imaginary individuals devoted to making my life easier. Must be willing to work for popcorn."
Now I'll just wait for the applications to roll in.
1 comment:
But popcorn is a vegetable. It's corn, just popped.
Right?
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