The chief drawback to being a compulsive communicator is that I feel compelled to read just about anything that ends up in front of my face--cereal boxes, cell phone instructions, incomprehensible e-mail messages written by spelling-impaired whiners--but even I have to draw the line somewhere. Here are a few things I wouldn't read unless my life depended on them:
1. Anything titled "random thoughts" (or, even worse, "random thots"). They're not really random, and they rarely involve thought.
2. The contract bridge column in the local paper. I'd rather eat the entire classified ad section with a side order of stock listings than read about contract bridge.
3. The small print on the back of a video or DVD case, although it's more inability than unwillingness that prevents me from reading. I have occasionally resorted to asking passing students to read small print on videos, but only if I'm desperate.
4. Mattress tags. I know what it says already, so why waste the time?
5. The instructions that come with my federal income tax form. My tax man earns his keep partly by rescuing me from having to read federally approved tax prose.
6. Matchboxes. In fact I rarely ever hold a matchbox, but even if I did, what could it tell me that I don't already know? "Strike here"?
I'm sure there are many other things; for instance, I've never read the little words printed on lightbulbs or the laundry instructions on a new set of towels. (People who don't know how to wash towels should not be allowed in the laundry room.) Now that I look back at what I've written today, I have a new item to add to my list of things I'd rather not read:
7. Lists of things I'd rather not read.
No comments:
Post a Comment