Princess of the pelmets

I see in the papers that the late Princess Margaret's valuables are being auctioned off in London, including her "diamond-studded wedding tiara" and "the neo-classical pelmets from her bedroom." I don't know what a pelmet is or how to distinguish a neo-classical pelmet from a spotted or herbaceous pelmet, but I do wonder at the decision to sell the diamond tiara. A report on NPR stated that the late Princess's heirs do not need tiaras, but clearly these people are not thinking clearly. Every woman needs a tiara, if not diamond-studded then certainly rhinestone-bejemmed or sequin-bedazzled. The tiara may spend most of its life stashed in a dark closet, but the knowledge that it's available is what matters most. A tiara is like a tire jack or a shrimp deveiner: most of the time you're not even aware it exists--but when you need it, nothing else will do.

My tiara is fairly flimsy, a sparkly sequinned confection designed for someone with a much smaller head. I occasionally wear it with a Barbie-pink feather boa and matching magic wand in my role as the Semicolon Fairy. I don't wear them for long because the tiara hurts and the boa sheds little pink feathers everywhere, but nothing else in my wardrobe creates the same impression. Last Halloween I wore the ensemble in an early morning class, inspiring one my students to shake his head and say, "That's just frightening."

I've been tempted to wear the tiara and boa at graduation--it can't possibly be any more uncomfortable than full regalia--but so far I lack the courage. If I had Princess Margaret's diamond-studded tiara, though, I might be more willing--and if I could add some neo-classical pelmets to the ensemble, now that would be a graduation to remember.