Monday, February 06, 2006


“No one ever gets killed by a whale in Iowa.”

I pronounced the words confidently to the class, but then I began to wonder. While one is certainly less likely to be killed by a whale in Iowa than on a whaling ship at sea, it is not impossible to imagine Iowa-based death-by-whale scenarios, perhaps involving a family visit to Sea World Des Moines that turns tragic as Mom calls out, “Now Timmy, don’t tease the wha--”

But that’s just silly. For one thing, I’m not sure Des Moines even has a Sea World. But surely there must be lots of ways one could get killed by a whale in Iowa, if I just put my mind to it. Or better yet, let’s put a lot of minds to it. Suggestions?


Lani said...

My contribution -> We're in Iowa, so we've got to be on the constant lookout for tornadic activity, but in the meantime, have to find some sort of family entertainment. On a short recreational scenic drive in a truck that runs on soy diesel, a family spots their favorite billboard: a longstanding monolithic kind of thing that shows Bob Robertson, Alleman's most beloved used car dealer. On the billboard, Uncle Bob, in his Sunday Best, smiles proudly next to his lot's most prized vehicle. Above the picture, a nearly life-sized likeness of a whale exclaims via speech bubble: "Come on down to Bob's, where you'll get a WHALE of a DEAL!" The children get a kick out of the giant sea creature and many giggles ensue. However, one day, a storm brews whilst our heroes are out on their weekly drive and the billboard grows weary under the strain of the gusty winds. Desperate to save the famed whale from certain doom, the family jumps out of their car and attempts to physically stabilize the town's favorite advertisement. Needless to say, two adults and two not-yet-adolescents are no match for gale-force tornadic winds and sadly...well, I won't give away the ending, but suffice it to say, the whale came tumblin' down.

Laura said...

Be careful what you say. A whale can't live (or die) in downtown London, can it? But I think we all know what happened a couple of weeks ago, when a whale got lost.

I bet the whale's last name was Little. That whale shows much of the same sense of direction that the male members of my family have.

Jeffrey Cottrell said...

Cement whales...definitely a hazard to all lifeforms both near and far from ocean-like settings. Plus Douglas Adams-esque whale appearances. Plus, as we have discussed, the sudden and total realization of "whaleness" that could potentially pose a health hazard.