I've met my quota of meaningless meetings

I neglected to take a Buzzword Bingo card to the four million hours of required campus meetings this morning, so of course I sat quietly in my seat and paid careful attention to boatloads of highly engaging material about, for instance, new College policies for purchasing and budgeting. 

Not. 

I may be exaggerating just a little, but what do you expect from someone who's spent half a day squeezed into an auditorium while being bombarded with more information than any one person could possibly absorb in a lifetime--with no coffee? Yes: someone thought it was a great idea to pen up the entire faculty in four hours of meetings with not a single drop of caffeine in sight. That would be someone who has no understanding of human nature, or who hasn't yet mastered the new purchasing policies and therefore can't order coffee for a room full of busy people who would rather be writing their syllabi. 

At one point I looked around and noted the number of colleagues doing stuff on their phones--at least half of the attendees in one row. But these are mature professional people so I'm sure they were completing Important College Business and not, for instance, today's Wordle. (Which I solved in two tries! And frankly I ought to get a round of applause for not jumping up and down and screaming YES in the middle of the meeting!)

A person gets sleepy, you know? Especially an aging academic on the verge of retirement who has already fulfilled her lifetime quota of meetings that should have been emails. So I kept myself alert by finding interesting anagrams of colleagues' names. Somehow it's easier to keep smiling when I think of my longsuffering colleagues as Tickle Sieve, Sick Mirth, Macabre Magic, Chantal Roadkill, or, especially, Clamoring Ahem. 

I could have attended another two hours of meetings this afternoon but no. Why? Because I have a few last-minute preparations for yet another series of meetings tomorrow--teaching workshops I've organized--but these meetings are entirely voluntary AND plenty of caffeine will be available, not to mention lunch and door prizes. Also, I don't need to spend an hour learning about how I can be involved in an exciting new program that will barely get off the ground by the time I retire in December. And aside from that, this morning's many-meeting marathon left me so slap-happy that I'm afraid I won't be able to keep a straight face while listening to the earnest pleas of Sacra Hokum.

So instead, I think I'll just skedaddle. (Shh, don't tell!)

Don't look now, but Eve Bough has left the building.