Where are the academic cheerleaders when we need them?

We're getting ready to celebrate All Scholars Day, when students present the results of their research and creativity, so this morning a first-year student asked me what ASD is all about. "It's kind of like a pep rally for academics," I lied, "with bands playing and cheerleaders leading a massive crowd in chants celebrating all our hard-working students: Give me an A! Give me another A! Give us all A's!"

If only. All Scholars Day is back to being a face-to-face event this year, so I'll spend time Thursday walking around the poster session and asking students to explain their work. There will be no bands or cheerleaders, but students will hear encouragement and occasional gentle applause, and maybe someone will give them the A's they're after.

First, though, I need to tackle the big ol' pile o' papers in my inbox, some needing feedback and revision and others begging for a grade. Would the work go any more smoothly if I had an academic cheer squad urging me on? They wouldn't have room to turn around if I tried to cram them into my office so they'd have to do their jumps and tumbling runs out in the hallway, which might disturb my colleagues trying to teach in the nearby classrooms. Then again, they could adapt their cheer routines to encourage all kinds of learning experiences: 

Two bits! Four bits! Six bits! A dollar!
If you did your homework, stand up and holler!

We've got spirit, yes we do!
We submitted our files into the Moodle dropbox--how 'bout you?

Give me an A! Give me another A! Give me another A! What's that spell?
Wait, what are you doing in college if you don't know what AAA spells?!

And then they'd form a pyramid in the hallway while the pep band marches past playing "We Will Rock You," and everyone in the building would stop what they're doing and stomp their feet to indicate their eagerness to teach teach teach and learn learn learn!

I don't know if that kind of motivation would inspire me to get my students' papers graded more quickly, but I'll tell you one thing I'm sure of: I won't get them graded at all if I keep indulging in ridiculous fantasies. Time to send the academic cheerleaders home and get back to work.

Wait--who left this pom-pom in my office?