Master of Spam Studies

Hello, my name is Bill Ruud.I am a student of Marrieta College.My uncle is moving to the school area and  needs someone who can take care of his English Bull dog  4 days a week for any 2 hours a day between 9am-11pm.Pay is $300 weekly.Kindly email him for more info [address redacted].

A tempting offer! But I suspect it's spam. Here's why:

1. Thirty copies of the same message in my inbox--and in the inboxes of all my colleagues. Either someone is really desperate to find a dog-walker or someone is phishing for really desperate people.

2. Maybe someone somewhere is willing to pay $37.50 per hour for dog-walking, but not in Appalachia. 

3. What kind of dog needs to be walked for two hours? Maybe it's constipated.

4. Spacing and syntax are a little odd. A native English speaker would be unlikely to say "I am a student of Marrieta College." You may be a student of psychology or a student of dog-walking or a student of Spam Studies, but you're a student at a college.

5. Might be a good idea to spell the college's name correctly. You are not a student of Marrieta College but at Marietta College.

6. I know Bill Ruud! We all know Bill Ruud! He is frequently seen on campus walking a small terrier. He's never mentioned having an uncle who plans to move his English bulldog "to the school area."

7. Bill Ruud is not "a student of Marrieta College." He is the President of Marietta College. (And he knows how to spell it.) 

So all things considered, I think I'll give this thrilling career opportunity a pass. If the President's uncle's English bulldog needs a dog-walker for $37.50 an hour, he'll have to look in someone else's inbox.