A little fanfare

The mingled sounds of thousands of restless people awaiting a big event roll through the auditorium like thunder when suddenly the noise is pierced by a trumpet fanfare announcing that the black-robed students are about to receive their diplomas. My first thought: I need one of those.

Not a diploma. I need a trumpet fanfare.

Imagine pushing an overladen shopping cart toward the check-out lanes at the grocery store when suddenly a piercing trumpet fanfare rings out, clearing awed shoppers out of the way. Or how about when I'm at a restaurant but can't seem to get the waiter's attention? No one can ignore a trumpet fanfare!

In addition to grabbing attention, a trumpet fanfare adds gravitas to whatever follows. I could be standing in front of a chatty class full of restless students who can't seem to focus on the task at hand when suddenly my trumpet fanfare rings out and every eye looks my way. "Turn to page 37," I'll say, and they'll be so stunned by the ringing brass that they'll turn to page 37 without a murmur.

And think of the celebratory tone a trumpet fanfare lends to any occasion. On Saturday the fanfare rang out to celebrate the accomplishments of students at the University of Akron, where my daughter received her Master of Music degree (ta-ta-ta-TAAA-ta-TAAAAA!), but today I could use a trumpet fanfare to proclaim that the new thermostat we installed yesterday appears to be functioning properly (ta-TAAA-ta-TAAA!!!) and the house is no longer a sweltering, musty sweatbox (ta-TA-ta-ta-TAAAAAAAA!!!) and I have finished painting the living room (ta-ta-ta-ta-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!)

I don't know how to go about adding a trumpet fanfare to my entourage or what sort of upkeep might be required, but just wait until I find out! You'll hear me coming.