Not all excuses are created equal

Dear student who has been throwing up all night: Please do not come to class. Please please please stay in bed or go to the wellness center. We do not want you to share your germs with us and we certainly don't want any vomiting in class, unless it is purely metaphorical vomiting, and even that is a little iffy at a moment when just about everyone seems to be teetering on the edge of illness. 

Dear student who has not been throwing up all night but would like a good excuse to get an extension on a major assignment: Don't tell me you're sick if you're just panicking, and trust me on this: getting an extension on this assignment will only delay your start on the next assignment so that you'll be playing catch-up all semester. Do your work. Turn it in. And don't lie to me about being sick. (Hint: if you're well enough to go to your sports practice, you're well enough to go to class.)


Dear committee chair: "Just skip that class every other week" is not a valid solution to a committee scheduling problem. Your committee may be doing important work, but classes are, you know, the reason we're here, and they should not be sacrificed to solve your scheduling problem.

Dear student who is traveling to participate in a sports event: If the team bus leaves at 11, why do you have to miss an 8 a.m. class? If it takes you three hours to walk from your dorm to the bus, maybe you should rethink your athletics participation.


Dear student who is experiencing truly unprecedented and traumatic real-life problems: No one should have to endure what you're enduring while also trying to keep up on school work, so take a few days to sort it out. I'd be happy to meet with you later to help you catch up. Go with God!