Tuesday, August 04, 2015

The positive-thinking arms race

Day One of my Official Fall Semester Attitude Adjustment Program started well enough: I rose bright and early, feeling positive and ready to apply a positively positive attitude to every single element of this positively positive day. Tried to check e-mail. Computer froze. Rebooted. Froze again. Brand-new computer, not one sign of trouble for a solid month, and now it won't even boot up all the way. Where's my sledgehammer?

Kidding! Just kidding! Maybe a walk will help: gorgeous morning, blue skies and a nice cool breeze until halfway up the big hill when the sun comes out and starts the sweat-rivers flowing while a parade of fracking-company pickup trucks goes zipping past, raising a cloud of thick dust right in my path, and then along comes a horsefly assiduously attempting to attack the one part of my back that I can't reach when I use my baseball cap as a horsefly swatter--gah! Where's my blowtorch?

LOL! What good would a blowtorch do against a horsefly and swirling dust and sweat and pickup trucks? None at all! I would need, at the very least, a grenade launcher and lots of ammo! Do they stock grenades at Wal-Mart? I'll just crank up my brand-spanking-new positively positive attitude and drive to town to find out! 

Wait, why is that guy standing in the middle of the intersection? Why are none of the traffic signals working? Who does that guy think he is, trying to make a left turn at the busiest intersection in town when the traffic light isn't working? We'll be here all day! If only I had that grenade launcher. Or better yet, a drone! Think of all the ordnance I could drop on that pickup truck with my own personal weaponized drone! Make that every pickup truck in town! Death to pickup trucks! Wipe 'em all off the face of the planet!

See what we can accomplish with a little positive thinking?

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