All in a day's work

Before

After

What I need is a self-demolishing bathroom

The purple bathroom is currently emitting sounds of demolition--pounding, tearing, drilling--and the old bathroom door just walked out of the house. Not of its own volition, of course, although what a great idea that would be--a self-demolishing bathroom. When the time comes to replace key elements, you just say Shoo and out the door walks that purple potty, wonky vanity, and tiny tired sink.

And the door, of course. One possible explanation for the sorry state of that old bathroom is that a previous owner regularly locked a dog in there, which would explain the deep scratches and tears in the baseboards, flooring, and door. That's gotta go we said when we first moved in here, and now, 21 years later, it's finally happening.

The work was supposed to be done more than a month ago, but an essential component was first stuck on backorder and then finally arrived damaged. I have no complaints about the contractor--he's doing his best. And if the worker who's willing to get on his hands and knees to wrench that old vanity off the wall wants to listen to a loud podcast about cryptocurrency while he does all the dirty, I can live with that. I have my own work to do! Which at the moment amounts to responding to emails while trying not to hear the hammering, yammering, screeching, whirring, wrenching sounds of bathroom demolition. 

Random access memory

Memory is a funny thing, online memory doubly so. This morning I struggled to remember the name of a course I'm teaching this fall but my computer had no trouble reminding me that 16 years ago today I was totally over the moon about my new car, the Volvo wagon my brother gave me after I was diagnosed with cancer the same week my ancient Kia died and I couldn't afford both chemotherapy and a car. The car had more than 200,000 miles on it at the time and I put another hundred thousand on it over the next four years, and when I finally sold the Volvo to my trusty mechanic for parts, I kept the license plate as a reminder of the way people can come through for us in a pinch. It's a remarkable story (read it here) and I really needed to be reminded today that hope lives on despite everything. So I guess it's a good thing my technology has a better memory than I do. Maybe I'll ask my computer to write that syllabus....

 

Brain the size of a planet and they've got me pushing piddling paperwork

I'm sitting in my campus office clickety-clicking on the keyboard while some primitive part of my brain cowers in fear on the floor of the starship Heart of Gold and a disembodied voice keeps saying, "We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem."

How can my body be back at work while my mind feels stuck in a Douglas Adams novel? I have a list as long as my arm of tasks I must complete pronto--don't panic!--but I lack the information needed to complete them. I'm looking at a grant application on which all the dates are off by a full year, but changing them would require me to complete a massive number of tasks after I've retired. I've been given a date for the New Faculty Orientation I'm supposed to plan but have thus far received no indication that we have hired any new faculty. I need to file a final report about a previous grant but cannot get access to the data required for filing the report. And I need to finish my syllabi but I'm still not clear on exactly what I'm supposed to be doing in the new version of the first-year seminar.

Stymied by these impossibilities, I instead devote time to a piddling bit of paperwork that doesn't matter in the least: writing my annual review, a document that will be read by exactly one person (my wonderful department chair). There is literally nothing at stake: No chance that I'll be fired without cause in my final year of teaching and no more rewards available for good work. But, unlike my other projects, I have access to all the information I need to complete my annual review and so that's what I'll do. Somewhere in my extensive list of the past year's accomplishments I'll tuck away the complaint of an iconic Douglas Adams character, Marvin the morose android: "Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to pick up a piece of paper."

But at least the work I'll do today is mostly harmless. Not much else I can say about it.

Peace, quiet, and nothing to do

I was getting up close and personal with some Balkan Bears' Breeches (AKA Acanthus Mollis, and where have they been all my life?) when I heard a youthful voice nearby whining: "Isn't there anything to do here?"

The voice emerged from a large group of kiddos wearing matching T-shirts, and I suppose I can't blame them for being bored. I mean, we were surrounded by trees and flowers and birds and bugs and benches and bridges and ponds and lily pads and trails and canopy walks and frogs and rabbits and sculptures and all sorts of other lovelies, but if a kid on a group outing with a bunch of other kids in matching T-shirts doesn't find those things interesting, then no, I guess there isn't anything to do at the Holden Arboretum.

To be fair, I probably would have been bored at his age too. But at my age, walking around an arboretum for a couple of hours before the rain started was just my speed, especially after two weeks with the grandkids.

Last night the grandkids were in their front yard catching fireflies when their parents arrived home after their long trip back from Italy. My daughter had promised to bring me a big hug but what I really wanted was a sensory deprivation chamber. I mean, the kids were great, but after two weeks I've had more than my quota of noise and roughhousing and occasional unreason. All I wanted was a little peace and quiet.

At Holden Arboretum this morning I sat on a bench listening to the buzz of cicadas, the calls of birds, and the occasional plop of a frog jumping into the pond. A catbird and a common yellowthroat kept me company. Peace. Stillness. Not quite quiet, but close enough. 

I didn't even think too much about taking photos. Since I broke the telephoto lens on my Nikon last week, I've been making do with my smartphone camera. It's okay for closeups but I couldn't zoom in on the blue-grey gnatcatchers that buzzed in a crabapple tree or the butterflies and dragonflies flittering among the plantings. I think I've decided to order a reconditioned lens, but before I make any big decisions, I need to give my brain a rest.

Holden Arboretum was restful enough until the rain started falling. It's a big place and I don't move quickly in the best of circumstances, so I spent much of the afternoon sloshing around in wet shoes. I'm the one asking for peace and quiet but everywhere I went, I squeaked. But I'm dry now and enjoying the photos and looking forward spending a quiet night without being responsible for the health and safety of any other human being. Grandma Camp was fun, but today I'm savoring the fact that no strange kid's whiny little voice is even remotely my problem.

Balkan Bears' Breeches

Pondside view

I love this Dawn Redwood

All in a day's work

Not that anyone asked, but:

Q: How many weeds did the kiddos pull from the brick walkway in front of our house yesterday morning?
A: Uncounted, but enough to make it unnecessary to weed-whack the walkway.

Q: How many rocks did the kiddos pile up to build a set of dams across our creek?
A: More than I could count, some of them heavy enough to require cooperative lifting.

Q: How many kiddos were reading Calvin and Hobbes books on the sofa at the same time?
A: Three. By the end of the week, all the kids will have read all the books. 

Q: How many rivers did I cross with the kiddos yesterday?
A: Three: The Muskingum, by boat, twice; the Ohio, by car and sternwheel boat, multiple times; the Little Muskingum, by foot, once. 

Q: What was the kiddos' favorite part of the boat tour on the Valley Gem?
A: Standing in front of the turning sternwheel and getting thoroughly soaked by the spray.

Q: How many local historical/natural/cultural experiences did we manage to squeeze into our three spare hours in the Marietta area between the boat tour and the snake-related event?
A: Viewed the Start West monument carved in 1938 by Gutzon Borglum; visited three Indian mounds and climbed the tallest one; bought goat milk hand lotion sourced from local goats at a store owned by my former colleague; ate fast food at Wendy's; walked across the newly renovated Hills covered bridge over the Little Muskingum River; got a little lost driving through part of the Wayne National Forest; caught sight of a bald eagle perched on a tree next to the Ohio River near Newell's Run (but did not get good photos because I dropped my camera at The Wilds last week and destroyed my telephoto lens); hiked a short trail on Middle Island in the Ohio River.

Q: How many snakes did the kiddos pet at the All About Snakes event at the Ohio River Islands National Wildlife Refuge welcome center?
A: Three, multiple times. The event was so well attended that people were forced to park in inappropriate places and sit packed like sardines on sofas or criss-cross-applesauce on the floor, but those who were patient enough to wait for the crowd to thin out had the thrill of touching the three snakes over and over and over again and peering at a six-day-old milk snake.

Q: How exhausted was everyone after such a long, hot, and eventful day?
A: Sorry, what was the question? Just nodded off for a moment...

Things I had forgotten about having a house full of kids

None of this should be a surprise, I tell myself. We raised our own children and fostered a bunch of other children while going to grad school and holding down jobs and staying mostly sane, so nothing I'm seeing this week should surprise me.

And yet: I can't believe how quickly that loaf of bread disappeared, and didn't we just buy a gallon of milk? Where did all the sweet corn go? Why does the refrigerator look as if it's been attacked by ravenous beasts instead of three small and (mostly) harmless children?

Why are there no forks in the drawer? How can the dishwasher be full again so soon?

How many socks can six little legs wear? Are the dirty socks multiplying in the laundry basket?

Why does my front yard look like it's sprouting colorful fungi in the shape of wet boots? 

Am I seriously going to have to buy another jar of peanut butter? 

Do I have to think about cooking again today? Didn't I just cook yesterday? Where did all the leftovers go?

Finally, some peace and quiet when my son takes his nieces and nephew to play Putt-Putt and go to the pool--but who's this on the phone? One of the kids is sick? And I need to drive to town to pick her up so the others can have more fun? I mean, what was I going to do with my peace and quiet anyway?

So life is a little nutty right now but I can't complain. The grandkids are doing a great job helping keep the chaos at a dull roar--folding their own laundry, matching their own socks, fetching their own boots out of the front yard--and they're bringing lots of fun and energy into the house. We've gone on a creek hike and colored pictures and blown bubbles and we've just finished decorating a cake with fresh spring berries, and every day we get to see wonderful photos from their parents' journeys in Italy.

But also I'm delighted that the creek is low with no chance of flooding out Grandma and Grampa Camp. So even as we're horrified at the news of flash floods washing away children in Texas, we hold our grandkids close and pray for the families still wondering whether they'll see their children again.

In for some wild times

July! Academic summer is half over, but Grandma and Grampa Camp has just begun. My daughter and son-in-law will be making beautiful music in Italy for the next two weeks, so I went to fetch the grandkids and bring them here. My son has come back from South Africa with photos and fun gifts, so he'll be here to play the role of Fun Uncle while the grandkids are here.

Already they've helped me shop for groceries, examined the garden, thrown rocks in the creek, and met the chicken. (Marauding raccoons reduced the chicken population to one, but the chicken run has been thoroughly reinforced and the raccoon population has been significantly reduced. At some point there will be more chickens.) Now the little imps are doing crafts while wearing the adorable Springbok rugby jerseys their uncle brought back from South Africa. 

Day One of Grandma and Grampa Camp will soon be in the books and so far we've all survived. Tomorrow we're off to The Wilds to see some wildlife and then who knows what might happen? We're in for wild times...while I try very hard not to hear the clock ticking down toward the start of the fall semester. 

Fun watching the kids pursue their interests.