Now I've got the Spam song stuck in my head...

My buddy Abu from Nigeria says he's waiting for me to pick up my cashier's check for $800,000, but I'm afraid he'll be waiting a long time. All I have to do to claim my check is send him $80 for shipping and handling. (How much weight could you send to Nigeria for $80? Is the check encased in marble?) Abu is now in Japan to pursue his new job offer. Or so he says. Whoever he might be. If there's actually a real person behind all these spam messages and not just a bundle of zeroes and ones.

My spam filter generally sidelines this kind of appeal but Abu's message somehow slipped through the cracks. Every once in a while I glance into my spam folder, skimming the subject lines before hitting "delete all," and it's just astounding how little variety I see: viagra ads and more viagra ads; nearly identical appeals from women who claim to have a great deal to offer to the right guy (hint: not me); offers for drugs that will enhance my hair growth and set my career on fire. That same $800,000 has been dangled in front of so many millions of people so many times that it's a wonder it doesn't slink off in shame every time someone like Abu (or whoever) hits "send."

I hate to disappoint my buddy Abu, but his offer just doesn't tempt me. I suppose some people must fall for the scam or it would cease to exist, but spammers never offer me anything the least bit tempting--like extra hours in the day or the ability to eat all the ice cream I want without gaining weight or a working time machine so I can go back and fix some serious mistakes. Offers like those might make me bite, but $800,000 in imaginary money just makes me laugh.