Thursday, July 04, 2013

Aspects of hectoring or hectoring of aspects

The voice on the phone was an unknown woman who clearly hadn't majored in enunciation, so I didn't know what to think when she asked me whether I was "entrusted with the coaching aspect." Turns out "entrusted" was her attempt at "interested," but that doesn't really clarify the situation. What is "the coaching aspect" and why would I be interested?

Turns out that our new college wellness program offers this FANTASTIC opportunity (cue sarcasm detector) to have total strangers call me up on the phone and hector me about "aspects of wellness." (Aspects, aspects everywhere--mindless bureaucracies make aspects multiply like rabbits.) 

What aspects of wellness? Like, for instance, the weight-loss aspect, because in case you haven't heard, it's important to maintain a healthy weight. As if I'm not reminded of the importance of weight loss every time I look in the mirror. (I wonder whether my diabetic colleague will get phone calls reminding her of the importance of "the insulin aspect.")

I am a huge fan of leaning on a group of close friends and colleagues as we work toward our wellness goals, but my friends are not mysterious voices on the phone hectoring me about aspects. Seriously, I really don't want to listen to some random stranger calling me up periodically to say "You really should lose some weight--and while you're at it, how about taking a look at those cholesterol levels!" (They call that "coaching"?)

But maybe I'm a crank. Maybe I'm turning my back on a wonderful opportunity. ("Don't forget to take your vitamins!") Maybe my colleagues are doing The Wave in appreciation for "the coaching aspect." (How many calories can you burn doing The Wave?) Maybe I should just shut up and take my medicine like a good little employee. ("Open wide....")

Nah. Let 'em go nag someone else. I'm going for a walk.

1 comment:

Contingent Cassandra said...

So far, our equivalent program is voluntary (there's a small reduction in premiums, but not, thank goodness, a large enough one to be a serious temptation). Your posts are confirming my decision to leave the offer on the table.

I fear such programs are going to grow, however. Ah, well; at least the "coach" is employed (though it sounds like the job may be just about as pleasant from the employee end as telemarketing).